Not What I Was Hoping... (Half Marathon Recap)
Today was my first half-marathon. (*Note the lack of an exclamation point.) I ran the Houston Marathon in 2010, but have been struggling to get back into running since then. Even during that training series I never actually raced a half marathon because I was out of town when the race happened so even though I've run 13.1 miles, it's not the same. So I was excited! Was.
Everything seemed to be starting fine - I woke up early, had my usual breakfast, made it to the Katy Fit tent with an hour to spare and made sure to get into the portos before a line formed. Then I realized I forgot my Garmin. No big deal in the grand scheme, but it still rattled me. And it was humid. A lot more humid than most of us were anticipating. Still I felt good overall and ready to run.
I started with my usual running group, but noticed that I was starting to fall behind around mile 6-7. An unexpected need to pee and I lost 3-4 minutes waiting in the porto line and ended up alone since let's be honest, everyone needs to run their own race. And I never recovered after that. Whether it was the break, the heat, possibly didn't hydrate enough this week, maybe didn't cargo load like I needed - who knows. I finally had to walk at mile 10 and mentally knew I was finished. I couldn't find any energy - I was drained.
They say the battle in a race is won depending on your mental state - it really does impact you more than you realize. And despite telling myself to run, to stop walking, to finish strong, I hobbled between a walk/run for the next 3.1 miles beating myself up on why I was so stupid - why I thought I could run with my usual group anymore, why I thought I could run another marathon next January, why in the h*ll was I asked to speak at work on Life Changes when I obviously haven't been able to accomplish them considering I can't run this race and I have definitely gained weight since my knee surgery that I just can't seem to shake. Did I mention that I was running alone too since the bathroom break so I had no one and nothing to break me out of this phunk? Not that I would have been great running company anyhow at this point...
My sweet husband hugged me (and trust me he gets major kudos for that one since I was dripping by this point) and reassured me that I am not a failure. He even scolded me a few minutes ago when I tried to title this post "Epic Fail". Mentally, I know I need to shake this. I know that I need to believe in myself and trust in the training that I am doing towards the marathon. I need to accept that everyone has bad runs and races and that it doesn't make or break you - unless you let it. I KNOW where I need to be - it's just the getting there that's hard right now.
Did I mention I take FABULOUS running-action shots?!? (*Note - HEAVY sarcasm intended here.)
(This shows how incredibly desperate I felt...)
And here's the finishers medal and shirt - not that I am a big fan of the reminder right now...
