Praise You in This Storm

The blog title is what I originally called this post back on Oct. 15 when I first wrote it. I decided to keep the name since I don't know what else I would call it.

I kept meaning to share the post once we found out the wonderful news, but never really found a good time. Now that we are nearing the end of the first trimester and we had our first appointment in Norway last week (more to come on that later), I wanted to make sure and capture my thoughts and feelings during that time.

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Oct. 15, 2012 - As I sit here writing this blog post, the title is most appropriate on a couple of levels. First, it's pouring rain outside and second, Jason and I are remembering that the Lord is sovereign and works everything to glorify and honor Him. We have to keep praying and turning to Him for strength right now.

You're probably pretty confused at this point so let's take a walk together. Imagine that you just found out you are 5 weeks pregnant. You are overjoyed and thrilled at the prospect of a little bean growing inside you. You plan a wonderful surprise for announcing it to your hubby. You get him a congratulations card, put the positive test in a bag (because no one wants to touch your pee stick), and last, but not least, the little onesie that you purchased months previous that says "Daddy's Future Race Car Driver" on it with a picture of your husband racing. The two of you hold one another and praise the Lord for the little blessing you've just received.

You spend the next day thinking you have a fun secret that you don't want to tell, but it's constantly on your mind. You already start planning how you are going to tell your family in a couple of weeks and start making those arrangements. You call you obgyn and make an appt for 8 weeks so that you will be able to get an ultrasound and see your little bean for the first time.

You smile everytime your husband tenderly touches your stomach and calls you mama. You take your 5 week picture in front of the fireplace with an outfit that you plan to wear throughout the pregnancy for size comparison. You have to document everything because it's your first one!! You impulsively buy a baby bag, a maternity top, and a couple pairs of maternity pants on Zulily, the worst site ever if you watching spending because you know you are moving to Norway soon and it will be nice to have a few items purchased here.

Then you remember that you need to call your reproductive endocrinologist - the doctor that you've spent the last year working with since you went off birth control February 2011 and didn't get your cycles regulated until you did hormone therapy February 2012. You saw him the day before you ovulated and got confirmation that things were looking good finally and you should have no trouble getting pregnant on your own. He wanted you to let him know what happened and so you call the office to tell them the great news! You leave a message with the nurse and a couple hours receive a phone call back. They tell you that you need to come in for blood work immediately. They are about to close so first thing tomorrow morning. You don't panic, but start to get a little wary as to the urgency of the visit...

The following morning you pray with your husband for the Lord to protect your little bean and to give you peace about the appt. You go in, expecting the doctor to just confirm the pregnancy and check your thyroid levels, but notice on the lab sheet that he's circled a test for progesterone. You think back to your fertility "bible" Taking Charge of Your Fertility and recall that before ovulation your levels of estrogen peak, but after ovulation your levels of progesterone peak. You still don't worry too much, but also remember you have a shorter luteal phase that concerned you while you were tracking the past few months and had inquired about at your last appt.

That afternoon you get a phone call that stops your heart. The nurse tells you that you are pregnant still (still, what the heck?), but that your levels of progesterone are too low to sustain a pregnancy. They are sending you to a compounding pharmacy as soon as possible and you need to start taking straight 200 mg doses every 8 hours, no exceptions. The nurse says this will eaither cause your levels to go up or it won't and the pregnancy wasn't meant to be. They want to see you next week to do blood work again and an ultrasound if you are still pregnant.

You are processing what all of this means while trying to write down the information she's giving you about the pharmacy when your husband walks into the kitchen. He sees your distress and immediately puts his hand on your shoulder to try and comfort you. You receive a list of things you are not supposed to do, a few of which you've already violated just that morning! Don't lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk (you spent the morning hanging blinds), don't exercise (you hiked 3 miles the previous weekend and have been running around cleaning), and relax (can you please define the word and use it in a sentence? do you realize everything that we have going on right now?)

You hang up and go over everything with your husband through the tears that you cannot control. He grabs you and holds you tightly and begins to pray that the Lord will give us strength to trust Him, strength for little bean to keep fighting, and protection over you and the baby you are carrying. It takes everything you have to try and calm down and for the next hours start crying uncontrollably on-and-off. You get to the pharmacy and begin taking the drug that might save your little bean's life.

There's nothing more you can do, but wait and pray and praise. Wait for your next appt Wednesday to see what's happening. Pray that the Lord will protect little bean. You know He loves little bean already more than you ever will and you trust that you will meet little bean one day - but you are praying that it's in 9 months, not in heaven. You remind yourself that the Lord has a purpose for your life and that His timing in everything is perfect. You praise Him for His timing of going to the doctor Friday and starting on the medicine. You praise Him that you were able to get pregnant since you know children are a blessing that not everyone receives. You praise Him for his goodness, kindness, and love and hold to the hope that things are going to work out for your little bean.
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We praise the Lord every day for the little blessing that we have growing inside me. We went back to the doctor the following week for my follow-up appointment. The doctor did an ultrasound and told us the wonderful news...everything looked great! He did more blood work to check my levels and told me to keep taking the progesterone through week 10 of the pregnancy.

Here is our first ultrasound picture from that appointment -

We are so grateful for His amazing love and timing in everything! We are overjoyed and thrilled to meet our little one next year and raise him or her up knowing and trusting the Lord in everything they do. Thank you again Lord for the opportunity to raise up this child and love him or her.

Psalm 127:3-5 NIV 1984
Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.