Confessions from a Mom-to-Be

Well peeps - I've officially hit the 40 week mark today and after my appointment with the midwife today, we have no indications that Madi's making her appearance anytime soon. My midwife just happens to be working in the hospital this Friday (Madi's official due date) so I'm crossing my fingers that fate has me go into labor and get assigned Ingebjørg. ;-)

In the meantime, I thought I would take my friend Ashleigh's suggestion and write-up some thoughts I'm having at this point. Some positive, some negative, and all random and in no specific order.

Here goes nothing -

1. I am anxious for Madi to arrive before any sort of induction is necessary. Norway will let you go 11 days past your due date, but just listening to the midwife explain to me the process that will happen next week if she doesn't arrive (basically we have to visit the hospital next Friday, June 22 and schedule induction for the following week) was a little discouraging. We are praying that she comes naturally to help the rest of the delivery process to go naturally.

2. I am in utter amazement at how curious, anticipatory, and enthralled I am with this tiny person whom I've never met before - a total stranger that I know I am going to cherish, love, and cannot wait to hold, kiss, touch, and smell. Sigh.

3. I think the whole "nesting" concept of knowing it's time because you start cleaning everything and feeling like you're running out of time is crap. My to-do list was finished on Sunday and I literally have nothing left to do before she arrives. We are enjoying the time together in the evening by going for walks, watching tv, and playing games. And I have no urge to clean anything. Ever. Period.

4. I am in despair thinking about the lack of sleep that I am going to have after she arrives. I love sleep. And I have been one of those lucky ones whose pregnancy has not prevented me from sleeping a good 6+ hours before needing a bathroom break and then having the luxury to fall right back asleep afterwards. The lack of sleep is probably what I am dreading the most about Madi's arrival...

5. I am surprisingly not nervous about the delivery process or the fact that we are going natural. This might not be the best attitude (and my runner friends might have input on this as will I after the fact), but I am paralling this whole childbirth thing to running a marathon. Parts of it aren't bad, parts of it suck. But your body naturally produces endorphins that help you through it and make the whole experience worth it (and not seem so bad) in the end. I mean, why else would people run a second marathon or brave a second child if it wasn't tolerable in retrospect?

6. I am fearful that I am going to curse, yell, snap, and potentially slap Jason during contractions. Boy has been nothing but amazing to me... yet I have a feeling I am going to blame him for any pain I feel. It's his daughter after all meaning this is all his fault, right? ;-) I shared this concern with him and told him it wasn't personal. Let's just hope I keep it PG peeps.

7. There is a possibility that the hospital apartments will be full or that we won't get a room with a bathtub to labor. Both of these are obviously out of my control and we are just praying that things go smoothly and don't phase me.

8. Speaking of not phasing me, I am concerned about this whole "let my body go and listen to it" business that I am supposed to do during the delivery. Our birth teacher told us to use feel to know when to go to the hospital. I already looked up the timing of contractions for when to go. I think that I will struggle a bit with this whole be-at-one-with-yourself stuff that I do think is truly best for the delivery. Left brain - turn off. Right brain - take over. That is my labor mantra.

9. Your brain physcially changes so that you think your kid is the most beautiful one in the world. Makes perfect sense for the little one's survival in primitive days. This also, however, means that I might become one of those people who posts pictures of their kid all over social media claiming she's the most beautiful baby ever only to realize years later that she was an ugly one. Let's be real peeps - not all babies are cute. And I have seem some uber ugly ones on my newsfeed. I need a volunteer to tell me if my kid is ugly. Perhaps one in the States rather than Norway since there's little chance I can appear at your doorstep to smack you because my crazy hormones are telling me otherwise? No takers? Dang.

10. Jason and I are both terrified that we are going to totally screw this kid up (me probably more so than Jason). I mean, who says we are ready to be responsible for another person?! All the parenting books in the world aren't going to help if Jason and I aren't on the same team and trusting one another. We have the resources and knowledge that tell us how to be good parents. But we know that leaning on the Lord and keeping him a central part of our marriage and every parenting decision we make will be critical to our success. Easier said than done when we're both sleep-deprived, desperate for her to stop crying, and discouraged that nothing is working to calm her down. :-/