Since Becoming a Mother

Since becoming a mother:

• I cry at the drop of a hat. Seriously, I have never cried so much. A sad email, the thought of leaving Madi for five nights, an episode of Criminal Minds...basically I'm a hot mess of tears.
• My hearing has become supersonic. This has been especially useful for Zoey and the time she got locked in the sauna and I heard her all the way upstairs on the other side if the house and Jason had no idea what I was talking about. Or the time she got trapped under the patio about to embark in a cat fight with a neighborhood stray and I heard a faint hiss and growl that alerted me to the situation. We had to pull up a patio floor board to get her out and I'm currently researching ways to poison neighborhood strays- no joke. Cat is going down.)

• I have become significantly better at using the word "no" when it comes to extra commitments, social activities, etc. Particularly after returning to work in January, I find that I am being more careful with my time and prioritizing my family time above all else.
• I am shameless. Let's be honest- I had minimal shame before becoming a mother but since then what little I had washed right down the sink I peed in and blogged about it to the world here. I got a reminder again recently about my lack of shame when I wiped snot from my daughters face and went to wash it off my hand only to return to the three ladies (none of whine have kids) staring at me aghast at what I'd just done. I repeat, no shame.

• I think about my daughter and her well-being more than my own. I hurt when she hurts, I am sad when she's sad, and I wish there was a way I could take away her pain when she's injured, but I'll resign myself to cuddling her and praying over her.
• My own relationship with my mom has grown and blossomed and my eyes have been opened to just how important family is and what they mean to us. It's also made it very hard at times to live so far away and each time I see my mom, it's harder and harder to say goodbye.

• God has challenged me and grown me despite my resistance. He's helped me to become more empathetic, more patient, and more loving. He's shown me a small glimpse of His amazing grace through my daughter's unconditional love and affection. I still have a long way to go - He's far from done with me yet, but becoming a mother has challenged me to be a less selfish person and drawn me closer to Him as a result. And for that I am eternally grateful.

Tomorrow I leave to go on my first trip offshore! I am excited, but also a bit nervous and anxious. It is a phenonemal opportunity and will be a great experience. However, it will also be the longest apart I've been from Madi. I won't be back for close to a week depending on operations. I have no doubt Madi and Daddy will thrive - it's me I'm not so sure about. I'm almost in tears just thinking about it!

Please keep me in your prayers for safe travels and comfort in knowing that Daddy will cherish his Madi snuggles and time he gets to spend alone with her.